.png)
Women Are the Baseline for Men - Part III
- Szilvia Olah
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
Women are not coming......
Before you read the last part (this article) please do read part I and II for a better understanding of what I am trying to communicate.
There’s a lot of talk about a male loneliness crisis, and I always find myself asking—a crisis for whom? When people say men are being “left behind,” I can’t help but wonder—left behind by whom? Women? Is that the part we’re not saying out loud? Is that the real issue here—that women are dismantling a system men built, and now that system no longer centers them?
Men aren't left behind, they failed to keep up and that's a very different conversation.
When we hear discussions about male problems, it’s always framed as “complex.” But to me, it’s a straightforward skill gap. A lot of men simply don’t offer what women want. That shouldn't be surprising. The world has changed, and what was once a value is no longer one. Men somehow fail to comprehend this. Even in corporations we talk about up-skilling.....
What is surprising is how shocked some men are when they’re not accepted or selected by women. Honestly, it’s kind of funny to watch. They complain about how rejection makes them feel. Here’s a news flash: Nature selects, and Nature is female. It’s always been that way. The only difference now is that women finally can choose. For centuries, they couldn’t. If they wanted to survive—or wanted their children to survive—they had to pair up with whoever they were matched with, or forced to accept. So no—maybe women were never truly happy in their traditional roles. They just didn’t have a choice. And that’s a whole different conversation altogether.
Female selects—and now, we've finally reached a point where women can actually do that. And yes, men have to put in the work, just like this bird. The difference? That bird knows it has to make an effort to attract a mate—and it doesn’t spiral into a crisis over rejection.
Male loneliness is nothing more than natural selection.
There’s no male loneliness epidemic—they’re simply facing the consequences of their actions, or in many cases, their inaction.
But what really bothers me about the male crisis conversations is that it always comes back to women. Women are now expected to step up and help men. We’re being criticised for our success, for making men feel bad, and expected to come and rescue them.
Here’s my and my female friends' take: We’re not coming. Women are not coming to save men. They have to save themselves. You might think it is harsh but it is only fair.
First of all, let’s be clear—women don’t have a problem, men do. Secondly, men never helped women. We helped ourselves.
We fought for our rights. We united, we showed up, we supported one another. We didn’t sit around waiting for men to lift us up—we lobbied, protested, built movements, and forced open the doors that were slammed shut in our faces.
We carved out our path to progress in spite of a system designed to keep us in the kitchen and out of power. We did it without legal rights or financial base. We did it while being physically and sexually abused in our own homes. We did it while carrying the weight of two full-time jobs—one paid, the other invisible and unpaid: managing households, raising children, keeping everything afloat.
We didn’t have the luxury of collapsing from rejection or blaming others for our struggles. Men face rejection by women and they complain. Women have faced rejection by men for centuries. Did we complain? We got to work. We endured. And we rose.
So no—we’re not here to fix the “male crisis.” We didn’t get help. We were the help—for each other. Men will have to find their own way forward now. Just like we did because the era of caring from men from the cradle to the grave is over.
And this—this is exactly what men are struggling with. This is the real issue.
For centuries, women handed men over from one woman to the next. Mothers raised their sons, then passed them on to wives or partners. If those relationships ended, another woman often stepped in. Throughout it all, women kept feeding them, cleaning up after them, providing emotional support, holding the family together, and making sure the kids were cared for.
The moment that support system is no longer automatic—when no woman is there to catch them—they collapse. And suddenly, it’s a “crisis” making headlines.
Some say that partnership is about love, care, and support, and I don’t dispute that. However, when I hear about a 53-year-old man being taken by his wife to therapy to learn about his emotions—something many of us learn as kids—I have to ask: Do women really need this extra burden? Aren’t we, once again, acting like a mother to a grown man?
I don’t need that in my life, that’s for sure. I’m not here to teach a man with the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old. Why would I take on a man with nothing to his name but a birth certificate, when I’ve got two properties (soon to be three) and financial independence?
Society seems to think women should pick up the pieces and build these men back up. But why? Why would I bring someone into my life who’s got nothing to offer, plus his mental health baggage?
Nah, I’m good, thanks. I’m not here to rescue them. They’ll have to save each other, just like women have had to do. If they can’t, they shouldn’t be shocked when women don’t want them. Keep in mind, women are the baseline for men and Nature selects. So to be chosen, they’ve got to do better than women.
PS: A great example of men expecting women to do everything for them is with Men’s International Day or Male Mental Health Month. They complain that no one talks about it. Well, what do you expect? Should women organize it for you? Take the initiative and organize it yourselves, just like we do for International Women's Day on March 8th. It's that simple. If nobody is discussing your issues, you need to speak up.
Comments