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I've been seeing so much stuff about disorders, burnout, anxiety, depression etc., that now I want to know the traits of a normal human being. But they won't tell you that will they?
Imagine a world we live in where we are told that:
everyone needs a therapist
you are not allowed to move away from things because if you do you are in denial
you definitely have some problem you are just not aware of it yet or in denial
The best part of this madness is that these narratives aren't pushed by experts. Experts who are worth their money will tell you that you are just experiencing normal life stuff. These narratives are pushed by gurus who tell you their personal stories making you believe that something is wrong with you or that because they have experienced something they are qualified to help you with the same.
Just because your father or you had depression it doesn't mean you can help others to overcome it.
Just because your parents were alcoholics it doesn't mean you can help others with addiction.
Just because you burned yourself out it doesn't mean you can help someone with burnout.
Just because you are suffering from menopause you can help women navigate it.
Let's talk about leadership.
People have been fed so much crap about leadership competencies and traits they should adopt i.e. vulnerability, empathy, resilience, creativity, the different leadership styles etc. that they forgot to be themselves. All they can think about is the traits and skills they are missing and which course can give them those. We have created this deficiency mindset in everybody only for gurus to make millions by offering training courses, workshops, and long-term intervention programs and for companies to make everyone feel that they are taken care of.
Well, you are achieving the exact opposite!
People don't feel taken care of or being developed by constantly pushing all sorts of agendas down their throats, implying that something is wrong with them. Every corporate program suggests that you are either not well or cannot manage your life (mental health and wellbeing) or that you are inadequate and should be fixed.
And no, I am not talking about skill development that allows you to do the job you were hired for. That is a must.
I am talking about those programs that aim to change who you are. The vulnerability trait agenda is the perfect example of that. Have you ever looked at the definition of vulnerability? If we go by the dictionary, vulnerability is "the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally" and I don't think we should be asking anyone to be like that. But when you point this out they offer different definitions like empathy, transparency and all other standalone words with distinct meanings. They redefine everything and take you down the rabbit hole if you are not careful. Watch here what they have done with empathy, EQ, or kindness.
I cannot stop these gurus but I would like to urge everyone to think for a second and don't fall for everything you hear especially don't believe that a person with no relevant background but only with a personal story is equipped to help you with your challenges. It is time for individuals and corporations to change their approach to their people because all they are doing is making them weaker and weaker.
Imagine living in a relationship where you are told quite often that you would be a better partner if you had obtained that trait. Yes, let's have conversations around performance but maybe we should not be coming with a shopping list of stuff apparently people need. You cannot go out and shop for personality traits! However, people can be guided to discover who they are, how they operate, and how that impacts them and the people around them. Maybe we should be doing that rather than showing up with wishlists of behavioural competencies telling people they should have all those if they want to be successful, happy, or a good leader.
Let's spend the money that we spend on fixing people on fixing the corporate system because that is causing greater problems than who people are. How can we do that? Here is a book that can help you:
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